Friday, March 19, 2010

I have heard a couple of times that instead of focusing on what your baby cant do you should focus on what they can do. So that is exactly what i try to do.

I am very proud of my boy and everything he is doing like trying to sit, and playing with toys, letting me hold his hands when before he hated his hands to be touched, i love that he is understanding more, he is now weighing at 15.1 lbs, my list can go on and on!

But what do i do now that his list of can does is turning into a list of used to does?

Lately i have found myself thinking of how instead of moving forward we are moving backwards.
Jesus used to roll all around the floor, he used to hold his bottle, he used to lay on his tummy and hold himself up on his elbows, he used to enjoy eating, he used to breath without oxygen, he used to sleep all night, i can go on but i think you all get the point.

I know all of his set backs have to do with his 3 surgery's in the past 2 months and his being sick. but this makes me wonder what if he doesn't stop having surgery's, what if he keeps getting sick? keeps getting weak?

Another thing that seems to keep bothering me is the fact that i cant control anything in my life lately. i wanted to spend Jesus's first valentines, first saint Patrick's day, first Easter and birthday in such a different way than it all seems to be turning out to be. valentines was spent in the hospital after his G-tube was placed, saint Patrick's day was spent trying to get back home and having no energy to do anything and even though we still have some time for his birthday and for Easter well to be honest neither seem to be planed yet, because I'm scared that if i plane ahead something will happen and he will be sick, or in the hospital.


Kelly said...

I am so sorry for your set backs. I am praying for strength for all of you.

As our RTS kids get older they do get stronger and healthier but I know that does not help you now.

Thinking of you,
Kelly W.