guilty

i caused Jesus a lot of pain today i feel horribly guilty!

it got stuck, i didnt noticed and i pulled. :(
the ballon part is what was inside him and it came out of the tiny hole.

we are better! :)

On my last post i was venting which is something that seems to make me feel better. Now i am proud to say that we have had a good couple of days and not letting things set us back. =)

We went to a Easter fair they were having, and had a great time. we managed to deal with the oxygen and the 24/7 feeding we are becoming pros at it. ok pros with mistakes every now and then but still not fumbling all over the place.

Esmeralda has always been scared of the Easter bunny which is why this is the first pictures we have of her with the bunny this is also the reason why she is being hugged by Eric (her cousin) in the picture above, and in this picture she is holding Jesus's foot this helped her be brave.

This weekend we also went to get Jesus his hair cut! yes you did read right we finally went to get his first hair cut.
This is his before picture

and this is his right after picture

before his bath

after his bath: sat for 1 min. YAY!


He is starting to enjoy eating agine.

I have heard a couple of times that instead of focusing on what your baby cant do you should focus on what they can do. So that is exactly what i try to do.

I am very proud of my boy and everything he is doing like trying to sit, and playing with toys, letting me hold his hands when before he hated his hands to be touched, i love that he is understanding more, he is now weighing at 15.1 lbs, my list can go on and on!

But what do i do now that his list of can does is turning into a list of used to does?

Lately i have found myself thinking of how instead of moving forward we are moving backwards.
Jesus used to roll all around the floor, he used to hold his bottle, he used to lay on his tummy and hold himself up on his elbows, he used to enjoy eating, he used to breath without oxygen, he used to sleep all night, i can go on but i think you all get the point.

I know all of his set backs have to do with his 3 surgery's in the past 2 months and his being sick. but this makes me wonder what if he doesn't stop having surgery's, what if he keeps getting sick? keeps getting weak?

Another thing that seems to keep bothering me is the fact that i cant control anything in my life lately. i wanted to spend Jesus's first valentines, first saint Patrick's day, first Easter and birthday in such a different way than it all seems to be turning out to be. valentines was spent in the hospital after his G-tube was placed, saint Patrick's day was spent trying to get back home and having no energy to do anything and even though we still have some time for his birthday and for Easter well to be honest neither seem to be planed yet, because I'm scared that if i plane ahead something will happen and he will be sick, or in the hospital.

MY BIG BOY!

My big boy is throwing tantrums, is also eating his cereal really good opening his mouth when he sees the spoon, he is wanting to nap in his own bed instead of on top of me, and now he is also now starting to sit!=)



yes he is still falling over, he cant go for more than maybe 30 seconds at a time!


However for us Him being able to sit on his own without any support is a HUGE accomplishment!




He is a step closer to independent sitting, one step closer to crawling, and one step closer to walking!

I'm running Behind!

I have been wanting to blog about different things this past week. but at first my computer wouldn't read my memory card, then once i got it to work i just didn't have time to sit down and post them. and now here i am thinking wow i am running behind on this!
hope you enjoy my weeks worth of post in one!


Stare
Whenever we go out people tend to stare at us, well its more like at Jesus. They stare at his g-tube or at his way of stiffing. At times its just his long hair that people stare at. But this past week Esmeralda turned out to be the center of attention.
We went to the doctor like we always do except she was wearing this!


Esmeralda loves to play pretend and on this day she was an elephant. She was playing the game Ring around the Nosy, I didn't feel like making her cry right before i needed her to behave at an appointment so i let her take it! Yes we did get a lot of stares this day but we didn't mind because this was a nice difference!=)


Hair Cut? or no Hair cut?

I have been having a hard time deciding if i should cut Jesus's Hair, and if i do cut it how do i go about choosing a style for him? Esmeralda has not had a hair cut in her 3 years of life, and well Jesus is about to go on his 1st year of life with no hair cut but he is a boy! so what do you think?




Aquarium

We went to the Aquarium on Friday. We drove an hour in the morning to go meet my sister and her Family for a morning of fun. we then had to rush back to get to Jesus's appointment that afternoon. We had so much fun we agreed on doing this more often! Esmeralda had a blast! Jesus on the other hand enjoyed taking the camera from me trying to pull peoples hair and there necklaces (not very interested in the fishes the one that did attract him were the jelly fish! :) here is a pic of the kids!:)



Tantrum

Jesus is not my no tantrum baby anymore! he threw his fist tantrum and it was all because he wanted to stay outside and swing. He was really enjoying his swinging but because it was getting cold and because he is on a 24/7 feed i didn't want to leave him disconnected to long. i took him inside once we were inside he refused to eat his cereal, refused to stay calm until i got a blanket and rocked him that way (kinda like in a hammock style) there was a lot of rocking involved the rest of the day!



Grandparents

My husbands Parents came over from Texas they didn't get to stay long but we really enjoyed there visit!:)