on our way to walking :)

No Jesus is still not walking he likes to stand but cant do it on his own yet. however his PT thinks its a good idea to get Jesus used to a walker she went out of her way to find one that Jesus would fit in to. She lent it to us and said we can use it for up to a month or more until we decide which one we are going to get for Jesus. Jesus has an amazing PT that really shows she wants to help him reach his full potential, and we are very greatful to have her!

Birthday Girl

Its hard to belive that my little girl has now turned 4!

ON or OFF

Jesus is not sure if he wants his glasses on or off, this is how it has been for the first hour we got them.
*i put them on
*he takes them off
*he notices he sees better with them
*he trys to put them back on
*he dosnt know how
*they fall
*he puts them in his mouth
*i clean them and put them back on
*they stay on for 15 min
*he forgets and we start all over agine
The good news is he hasnt complained when i put them on so i hope that this glasses thing goes easier than the oxygen,cpap,and feeding 24/7 thing...
=)

Jesus crawling (our first video)

Scooting

Jesus is now doing his army crawl :)



so proud to get to his sisters piano :)

then he decided to go play with his blanky instead =)
]


He still can not go around things so if there is something in his way he will complain however he is moving around yay! =)

Look at how i found him

Yay, I am so glad! he got into the wipes and made a big mess and instead of being mad at the mess i had to clean up i couldn't help but smile, laugh and i even had a tear or two in my eyes! its so great to enjoy our kids growing up!
He is going through a tough time health wise and yet he is such a happy boy!
I love you Jesus!

Rant

This is only a rant, just needing to write, needing to let it out! I'm not even sure I'll post it, i just know that i hate not knowing, not having answers! I just feel so lost, i feel like a failure, as if I'm not doing something right or maybe I'm just doing everything wrong!
Jesus is sick again and once again its his lungs, he's having a hard time breathing, he is having fevers, and no one can tell me how to make it all go away. how to help him stop getting sick! he has seen over 6 doctors just for this one thing his breathing/lungs and no one can help all the doctors say is his lungs are just so damaged we need to let them heal! he is on over 5 medications to help his lungs.
all i want to know is how are they going to heal if he keeps getting sick!
Why why why why why!
I'm so scared so scared that one day his lungs just wont be able to handle it no more! I just want my baby to be ok, and i Pray i pray for him to be ok and i hope, i beg and i plead and i do everything i can and yet he is still sick he is still fighting to breath.
I don't know what Else to do!
i just don't!

feeding

Jesus passed his swallow study he is allowed to eat nectar thick liquids and cereal. yes this is great news but in the almost 3 weeks that we have had this great news today was the first day he seemed to tolerate/enjoy feeding time! it has been a long journey!
In the 2 almost 3 months that Jesus was not allowed anything by mouth he forgot how to eat, drink from a bottle, and basically he forgot that its fun to have food in your mouth.

instead of being happy and enjoying feeding my baby every time after a feeding i would either end up with tears or just feeling horrible when it came to feeding. I felt like i was doing him more harm than good. He would choke, gag, go threw a wreching episode, throw the food or just cry when he saw me with food. And on top of it all he seems to be allergic to every fruit i give him juices, baby food, everything causes him to have a rash, very depressing! :(

Today things are not going great he is still not all that thrilled with food in his mouth he rather have bland things like water and cereal mixed with formula, and no textures. But today he did eat about 5 spoons without gaging without crying and he let me know he was done by not opening his mouth anymore, he also didn't mind getting dirty normally if he touches the food with his hand he will take it out as if he just got burned today he got completely messy and he didn't seem to mind it at all! which is great :)



As for drinking we also found a way around him not knowing how to drink from a bottle or sippy cup or anything. for a while i was spoon feeding him the think water but i felt that was a bit confusing for him. So were told by his therapist to get a honey bear and put some tubing to creat a straw then once he closed his mouth around the straw to squeez a little to give him some liquide. eventualy he will hopefully start sucking on his own but for now i will be helping him and it has worked out great he wont drink much but we are trying! :)



last but not least his wheelchair has worked out great we have gone to the zoo and stores and doctor app. and he really loves his chair! we are thrilled!

PARK

Today we went to the park, Jesus's vision teacher organized a get together for all the kids she does therapy with and we had a good time :)Jesus is the only one that is still not able to sit on his own and he is also the only one that has other health issues but it was very nice to see that we are not alone in this world regarding blindness. We also got his chair that's what he is sitting in i haven't gotten a picture of just him in it but i will take one and post it soon.

celebrated to soon

Jesus was off of the oxygen for 3 days then he got sick and needed it agine i feel like i celebrated to soon!:(

on other news we got 2 new bunnies Esmeralda loves to have them! there names are Flor (flower in spanish) and sol (sun in spanish) they are supper cute!:)

Can you guess whats missing?

Wordless Wednesday

The Past Month

In the past month we have been very busy!
Jesus has gotten sick twice since i last blogged still trying to recover from the latest cold. He is not allowed to eat anything by mouth he will have another swallow study June 4, hope he passes it and we are able to start feeding him something by mouth. he will be having another surgery in the next couple of months to remove his tonsils this should help his sleep apnea. He has started on seizure medicine and so far he is handling them good, they seem to be helping.

I tried to post a video of Jesus playing with toys with his feet but it didn't work so here are some pictures.



here is how it works you put a toy close where he can kick and feel it






We are excited to say that Jesus is now rolling to his tummy again! =)




Jesus is also enjoying his Bounce toy he used to be stiff and scared and now he just jumps and jumps! here are before and after pics.







We put up and indoor swing for the kids =) they love it!







On some Esmeralda news, She started preschool, its 2 days a week for 3 hours a day! she is enjoying hanging out with other kids her age!


In between the crazy april and may snow we had a couple of pretty days and esmeralda got to play in her sandbox.


My Hubbys Birthday is May 19 but because he is in the Military we hardly get to celebrate his birthday together well anything together and this year is no exception he will be away for his birthday, so we decided to celebrate early!
(i didnt know what flavor he wanted so i got both) =)


As his gift i took him indoor skydiving!




We got a new addition to our Family her name is LUNA! :)

I want to be stronger!

This year has been a hard year and just when i think things cant get worse they seem to get worse so now I'm going to stop thinking things cant get worse, I'm going to cry, I'm going to try and talk and then I'm going to keep picking myself up and just hope i have enough strength for the next challenge.


Recently I had a miscarriage I didn't even know i was pregnant and that's what hurt so bad not letting my baby know that i loved it! i wasn't able to talk about this with many because the pain is unexplainable. Now the pain is still there and I'm hoping that writing and talking will help!

today I honestly felt like i was about to lose Jesus, he turned purple was unresponsive and for the first time i dialed 911 without knowing if my son would be alive a second later! i cant explain how much life can change in one second. Thankfully he is doing good, he is alive and happy and i cant thank God more for keeping my son in this earth for letting me have my 2 wonderful kids.

yes this year has been hard with everything from flood, to surgeries, to hospitalization and etc. but we are alive and only God knows why he didn't let us have our 3rd baby, and i will cry i will cry a lot at night when the kids are asleep then when I'm done crying I'm going to pick myself up and pray for strength for whatever comes next!

Birthday Party + Easter

WARNING: lots of pictures coming up!

we decided to celebrate Jesus's Birthday Party and Easter on the same day because my sister lives a bit far away so in order to have a great day and avoid a lot of driving we did it all in one day.
even though we took a tone of pictures there are some parts of the day that we were not able to capture we did not get pictures of the kids with there baskets and we did not get pictures of the egg hunt (just some video).

yes this did include a lot of candy! This was the snack we served during there egg coloring. (the drink was water, so one healthy thing)


Jesus was taking a nap during the coloring of the eggs.


once Jesus woke up he did get to enjoy some candy.



we started this tradition this year that we get our kids one balloon per year they are so Esmeralda got 3 this year and Jesus got one. he enjoyed playing with it.he would let it go and believe it or not he got from the first picture to the second picture all by himself he would pull it weird to get it to come to him.



We learned that Jesus does not like birthday hats :( but we cant blame him they do tend to pinch at times.


We also got to take pictures of Eric, Jesus, Esmeralda, and Viviana together in there Easter outfits. we could not get them to all smile and look at the same direction but we got good pictures. =)



We also took pictures with our kids once again my kids did not want to look were they had to but well you cant complain with what you get. :)


my sister with her family. (Freddy, Claudia, Eric, Viviana)=)



Jesus with his cake that is bigger than him.;)
(yes that is cake on his feet)


we did give him a taste of cake frosting, he really enjoyed it and tried to bit his dads finger off.:)


Jesus with all his gifts.


nope he did not enjoy opening gifts. we figured out that the reason he did not like it was because he did not like moving on to the next gift he wanted to play with what he just opened and did not like at all that i took them away to open the next gift for him it felt like a tease. that is why next year we will be doing things a bit different for him, we will open one gift let him play with it until he lets us know he is ready to move on to the next gift.


my hubby got me flowers for Easter it was sweet and unexpected:)


just because i hardly put pictures of me and hubby here is one.


today i got my hair cut not a huge difference but i love it! my hair is so thick and they were able to thin it for me. =) (I have to admit i needed some peer pressure to go and do something for myself)


Jesus is still trying to sit all on his own :)



and just because i did warn you all this post had lots of pictures here are two extra ones which i hope you all like:)